Friday, May 13, 2005
| friday friDAY FRIDAY! FUCKING YAY! There isn’t a day of the week that I love more than Friday. Saturdays are cool and Sundays are half cool, but Fridays make me feel like I have a new lease on life. Instead of taking anti-depressants, I should live only on Fridays. It would save me a lot of unnecessary misery. From now on, I only get out of bed on Fridays. Every other day of the week can fuck itself on the horse it rode in on. Unless it’s a baby horse. Then no fucking. Give the baby a chance. I don’t really have a topic for today’s entry, so I’m just going to throw out some shit that’s been on my mind today. First off is the fact that when I was outside getting my bagel, I bumped into the fairy queen of Manhattan. He was wearing the TIGHTEST jeans I’ve ever seen and after he gave me his bitchy look for almost knocking him over (he weighs all of 16 pounds), I watched his ass bob from side to side all the way down the street. I shuddered and tried to get the image out of my head. For some reason, guys that are incredibly effeminate with effeminate clothing and effeminate bodies make me roll my eyes so far into the back of my head that they pop out of my skull and trickle down my back. It’s not that I have a PROBLEM with effeminate gays. Please! I’m nowhere NEAR the most masculine guy you’ll ever meet. But I love being a boy and wearing my baseball cap and my t-shirts and jeans. I love wearing sneakers and it’s FUN to me to have a little rough housing going on. Try to take me down. Just TRY it. I love pretending like I’m the ROCK or some shit. So, when I bumped into the gay guy and he gave me the signature icy look of queen Dom, I wanted to scream in his face “I’m gay too moron! And you’re a woman!” But it’s Friday, so I let him go. Am I really this big of an asshole? Anyway, I’ve had quite a few email exchanges with one of my new favorite people CHWJOHNS. I would link to him in this post, but I’m still bad with figuring out how to put the html in my post without screwing up the whole thing (his link is on the right). I’ve had some bad experiences with my template before, so I’m leaving it as be. But I’m on a lame tangent, so back to Chews. This guy is awesome. His emails keep my days moving and I’m constantly impressed by how intelligent and intuitive he is. I’ll say something like “I’m hot, but don’t think of me as an egocentric prick” and he’ll write back “Isn’t it sad how the duality of society works against us no matter what we do? One minute we want to be perfect so we’re accepted and then when we are perfect, we are criticized for being egocentric.” That’s not EXACTLY what he wrote, but he used the word “duality” and I about came in my pants. He’s smart and I like him and already feel a little better for having known him. Isn’t it weird when you meet someone over the internet and take a liking to them? For me it is, cuz in my world, the internet is solely used for posting and porning. We don’t make real friends on this thing! Or yeah we do! And did I mention that he’s a bodybuilder? Ah geez. That’s all I need. If you watched Survivor last night (INKS?), then you saw some big time shit goin down. It was one of the best episodes I’ve ever seen. All of the secrets were exposed and it was the most exciting hour of television ever! I’m telling you, this particular season has rocked it out so hardcore that I’m almost embarrassed for you for not watching while you had the chance. I’m talking EMBARRASSED. Please don’t talk to me in public if that’s the case. Paul and I had a very wonderful talk last night. He was exceptionally adorable when I got home and cooked me the most incredible dinner. I helped clean up and I made us salads, but other than that I sat on my ass and watched The Simpsons while he waited on me hand and foot. It was really nice. Then when we were done and watching my “stories” on TV, I brought up (once again) that I think we should enter into couple’s counseling. For the first time, we had an actual dialogue about it and he agreed to go with me! I mean, what? Since when? But I didn’t make a big deal out of it and I told him that I would figure out all of the logistics. Could this be the way to save our relationship? So my birthday is coming up. Hahahaha. I mean, it’s on July 2nd, but right about now is when I start hinting to my friends that I want it to be amazing. When I brought up my birthday to Paul last night he laughed so hard that I had to poke him in his belly button until he would stop. My birthday is a huge deal to me. As far as I’m concerned, birthdays are really hard for a lot of people, me included. It’s like New Years…you always feel like you have to do something cool and different or else it’s just another celebration on another year. And that’s sad. I try to make all of my friend’s birthdays as wonderful as I can and they always do the same for me. So when I turn 28 this year (fucking yikes) I won’t even notice the age cuz I’ll be too busy doing something fun like beating the shit out of a bunch of homophobes. It’s ALMOST time to get the party started. Lately I’ve enjoyed watching the show Kevin Hill. Is that wrong? This week, Taye Digg’s real life wife, Idina Menzel, was on it and my friends and I LOVE her from our theatre queen days. If UPN were to run a marathon of America’s Next Top Model and Kevin Hill back-to-back all day, I would probably sit and watch the whole thing. LAME. GUESS WHAT? I just found out that there IS a marathon of America’s Next Top Model on tomorrow. UM! My birthday IS coming early. In other news, my dear hamster, Jim, who I’ve had for almost two full years, is finally starting to lose the luster for life. It breaks my heart to watch him walking around so slowly. He’s taken to pissing all over himself and almost every night I have to give him a bath. It’s so upsetting to watch, but as we would do with our parents when they get older, I plan on taking full care of him until he breathes his last breath. He is the most wonderful pet I’ve ever owned personally and I’m going to miss him a ton when he’s gone. I know hamsters are like little mice, but Jim has a strong personality and is the friendliest, most talented hamster I’ve ever met. In fact, he holds a Master’s in Education and a PhDizzle in Psychology. My hope was to give him some money to start his own practice, but it looks like that may not happen. My mom asked me yesterday if I was going to euthanize Jim when he got really, really bad. My eyes burst wide open and I said “You’ve GOT to be kidding me!” I would NEVER kill him.” Even if I thought he was suffering. I’m not murdering my best friend. She then told me a story of how we had this guinea pig named “Boris” once and she had to suffocate him in a garbage bag because he was at death’s door and ripping her heart out. FIRST of all…my mother doesn’t have it in her to kill anything. I HIGHLY doubt that she was the one that put him to sleep. My dad MUST have done it. SECOND of all…I NEVER had a hamster named BORIS. That is the most hilarious and ridiculous lie I’ve ever heard her tell. She promises that it’s a true story, but I’m going to have to snoop around to figure that one out. Boris SHMORIS. LASTLY of all…yeah right Boris. Well…turns out that when you have NOTHING to write, you have LOTS to write. My therapist tells me never to come into a session with anything planned cuz the best shit will come right off the top of my head. She would be SO proud with today’s post. I love my damn therapist. Have a great weekend everyone! |
